The Alchemy of Pain

 

I came across a collection of poems, a book called “The Alchemy of Pain” by Reia N. “Alchemy” as the dictionary meaning goes is “a form of chemistry in the Middle Ages, which involved trying to discover how to change ordinary metals into gold”. The name itself is so intriguing that I was wondering, what “pain” has got to do with Alchemy? What pain can turn into or rather what pain can lead to? Whether an alchemist from Middle Ages is trying to take raw negative energy of pain (an ordinary metal) and alchemizing it into confident positive (gold) existence?
I must read the book!

Believe me I have never written about a book or reviewed any till date, but after reading this collection, or I may say, it is kind of memoirs of the pain & healing, I have to express, have to say something.

Who should read this collection? Everyone who can relate, connect, everyone who will not just acknowledge (sympathise) but honour, everyone who will not just be a spectator, but will rejoice & celebrate the win.

Readers, take my advice, read the book from “Dedication.” The poet makes it very clear that it is chronicle of her journey, her own unfiltered experience of suffering, healing & ultimately, transformation.

The moment I started the journey, holding author’s hand, the process of transmutation from nobody to somebody, from pain to recovery, to healing, from slavery to freedom, was unravelled for me.

The first step, one of the most crucial steps, the realisation of the bindings, chains. It is expressed in such an apt words:
….
“I hear the haunting echoes,
Of chains that clasp & gleam”

Then the resolve, rising from the deep within, to strain against the bindings, to break free :

“Yet within the soul’s cavern,
A spark ignites, unseen,
A whisper of defiance,
A vow to break the seam.”

and finally the success!!

“The chains that once confined me,
Now scattered at my feet “
….
The fight, the war, is far from over, rather it has just started. The mind is tied down for so long that it is unable to fathom what freedom is. All the courage & strength is used to break free but What’s next? She puts it simply

“It’s the hush after a scream,
Words trapped deep within,”
……

Filled with uncertainty, the whole truth is yet to dawn on her, for her to say something, she is unable to find the word to break the silence, which followed. The gap was not empty but filled with crisscrossed thoughts, sad memories of the past suffering, mind was crowded. As if after a long illness, we kind of forget, how to walk.
Then with realisation of truth, that chains are broken, as if there was illumination of thousand bulbs at a time, she becomes aware of her youth, her voice and long sought freedom. In her words:

“For the weight of silence heavy as stone,
Is shattered by the truth,
In the breaking, I’ve finally known,
My freedom, my voice, my youth”

Then,
“I take each echo gently,
And let it find its place,”
……

Despite all, it is not easy to move forward, memories of the past trauma keep coming back. The challenge was to face them without any self-pity or being miserable. All the sufferings, trauma of past has a role to play in shaping the present, has appropriate place in one’s life and it must be accepted gracefully, gently. Then only, one can be at peace with the past, and move forward confidently.
What comes next is a beautiful metaphor, “Shattered mirrors”. When in fear and pain one seeks help, support, and in the process unknowingly starts looking at oneself through the eyes of others, like a second hander. Every image that is seen is distorted and never close to reality. Like multiple images seen in pieces of broken glass, every image is yours, but none of them is you. Even if you put all of them together still it is not you. You are the one, who is standing and facing the world or the broken mirror. Realisation of this reality will take you miles ahead and kindle the spark within. The process of becoming whole, becoming one had begun:
….
“That in accepting all of me,
I have found deeper glow”
The inner strength, power to survive or the spirit will manifest itself only when put to ultimate test. Imagine you are in maze of tunnels with no light, absolute dark and you are looking for the light at the end of any of the tunnels. You know not, which way to go but with iron-will you keep going till the shade of black turns to grey and you realise you are there. The poet describes the moment nicely:

“I learnt even in the blackest hour,
That there is within me a hidden power,
To navigate the darkest maze,
And Walk into the Sun’s bright blaze”

It is obvious for everyone to show their best to others and hide behind facade of fake appearance. Scars and wounds are covered so deep and to such an extent that the fake appearance starts appearing real. It is captured in amazingly simple words:

…..
“They live beneath, where no one sees,
Amongst the roots of ancient trees”

Remembering the sordid past is like revisiting it, reliving the pain and suffering. Despite knowing it we tend to hold on to the sore wound too long, taking it deeper and making it more painful. Being uncertain about the future. In the bargain we stay put and don’t move, contradicting the principal characteristics of life, the mobility, to keep moving. Stagnant is over and dead. We feel guilty in letting go. Let go is not forgetting but not remembering, recalling, not reliving. Having faith in future, to move on. The poet puts it so nicely :

“The power lies in open hands,
In trusting life’s unfolding plans,
A strength that rises, pure and true,
In letting go, I found my new.”

The scars are red and not yet pale. Tears have barely dried and fears are still scratching the mind. Ankles can still feel the chill of bare metal. Shackles of doubt are twisting the mind. Shadows of past are looming dark. It takes time for the success to sink in, an effort to convince without conviction. It takes time to relearn to breathe a fresh. Time is the solution. In Reia’s words:

“Unshackled with time, from the fears that bound,
I move with ease, I’m safe, I’m sound!”
….

However tattered or battered you are, phoenix must rise through the rubble of war. The flight through adversity, finding the strength from within. The process once started has to conclude logically and emotionally as well. From dark to light. In her words, again worded beautifully:

….
“With wings of resilience, I take flight,
Through clouds of sorrow, into light!”

All along, what we have talked about is an internal battle, struggle internal to an individual, there may or may not be any overt signs, as all is happening in the mind. The process of healing, recovery is painfully slow and brings about subtle changes from within. Though very subtle they are profound. Resultant changes are apparent by way of ease with which one was facing the present, which was missing earlier, erstwhile challenges are no more challenging. The silence engulfing earlier was less of calm and more of storm. Post the subtle, profound changes the calm, peace rises from within and the individual can feel the radiance, glow in every part of his being. In her words:

“And though the world may never see,
These quite shifts inside of me,
I feel the weight I use to hold,
Grow lighter, as I become bold”

In majority of cases individuals try to get out of the storm, cyclone and get mercilessly turned and twisted by the storm. In my view author has travelled exactly in reverse direction, towards the eye of the cyclone. As the phrase goes "it is quite in the eye of the storm" she literally experienced it. She reached the “eye”, the soul, the spirit, which is always free and can never be tied, bound. The bondage is physical, in this context even the mind is physical, but the realisation of the same is very difficult. The turbulence is in peripheral, external layers of the mind. The poet seems to have gone deep inside pealing layers after layers of her mind till she reached her true self, the inner wisdom, the ever-free self, the bundle of throbbing happiness, rest is easy.

As rightly said by the poet, this collection is truly a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, where pain is not merely endured, but transformed into deeper self-understanding or enlightenment. It is a story of personal evolution, helping to become a more whole or integrated person in the end.

I will stop here and leave it to the readers to explore for themselves.
The book “The Alchemy of Pain” by Reai N. is available on Amazon / the E-book publishing store as Paper back as well as e-Book.

Link is as under

Amazon at: https://www.amazon.in/dp/9363302156/ref=sr11?crid=LQ235IKCLXL2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.kBfK-CKUelZoaCS9mxosA.5IsZ0WyCr1YA4tbstBywdqNlDERzfp78EShZYmZH9JQ&dibtag=se&keywords=9789363302150&qid=1729047754&sprefix=9789363301146%2Caps%2C484&sr=8-1

 

E book version at: https://ebooks.bookleafpub.com/product-page/the-alchemy-of-pain-an-anthology-of-wounds-to-wisdom