I came across a collection of poems, a book called “The Alchemy of Pain” by
Reia N. “Alchemy” as the dictionary meaning goes is “a form of chemistry in the
Middle Ages, which involved trying to discover how to change ordinary metals
into gold”. The name itself is so intriguing that I was wondering, what “pain”
has got to do with Alchemy? What pain can turn into or rather what pain can
lead to? Whether an alchemist from Middle Ages is trying to take raw negative
energy of pain (an ordinary metal) and alchemizing it into confident positive
(gold) existence?
I must read the book!
Believe me I
have never written about a book or reviewed any till date, but after reading
this collection, or I may say, it is kind of memoirs of the pain & healing,
I have to express, have to say something.
Who should read this collection? Everyone who can relate, connect, everyone who
will not just acknowledge (sympathise) but honour, everyone who will not just
be a spectator, but will rejoice & celebrate the win.
Readers, take my advice, read the book from “Dedication.” The poet makes it
very clear that it is chronicle of her journey, her own unfiltered experience
of suffering, healing & ultimately, transformation.
The moment I started the journey, holding author’s hand, the process of
transmutation from nobody to somebody, from pain to recovery, to healing, from
slavery to freedom, was unravelled for me.
The first step, one of the most crucial steps, the realisation of the bindings,
chains. It is expressed in such an apt words:
….
“I hear the haunting echoes,
Of chains that clasp & gleam”
Then the resolve, rising from the deep within, to strain against the bindings,
to break free :
“Yet within the soul’s cavern,
A spark ignites, unseen,
A whisper of defiance,
A vow to break the seam.”
and finally the success!!
“The chains that once confined me,
Now scattered at my feet “
….
The fight, the war, is far from over, rather it has just started. The
mind is tied down for so long that it is unable to fathom what freedom is. All
the courage & strength is used to break free but What’s next? She puts it
simply
“It’s the hush after a scream,
Words trapped deep within,”
……
Filled with
uncertainty, the whole truth is yet to dawn on her, for her to say something,
she is unable to find the word to break the silence, which followed. The gap
was not empty but filled with crisscrossed thoughts, sad memories of the past
suffering, mind was crowded. As if after a long illness, we kind of forget, how
to walk.
Then with realisation of truth, that chains are broken, as if there was
illumination of thousand bulbs at a time, she becomes aware of her youth, her
voice and long sought freedom. In her words:
“For the weight of silence heavy as stone,
Is shattered by the truth,
In the breaking, I’ve finally known,
My freedom, my voice, my youth”
Then,
“I take each echo gently,
And let it find its place,”
……
Despite all,
it is not easy to move forward, memories of the past trauma keep coming back.
The challenge was to face them without any self-pity or being miserable. All
the sufferings, trauma of past has a role to play in shaping the present, has
appropriate place in one’s life and it must be accepted gracefully, gently.
Then only, one can be at peace with the past, and move forward confidently.
What comes next is a beautiful metaphor, “Shattered mirrors”. When in fear and
pain one seeks help, support, and in the process unknowingly starts looking at
oneself through the eyes of others, like a second hander. Every image that is
seen is distorted and never close to reality. Like multiple images seen in
pieces of broken glass, every image is yours, but none of them is you. Even if
you put all of them together still it is not you. You are the one, who is
standing and facing the world or the broken mirror. Realisation of this reality
will take you miles ahead and kindle the spark within. The process of becoming
whole, becoming one had begun:
….
“That in accepting all of me,
I have found deeper glow”
The inner strength, power to survive or the spirit will manifest itself
only when put to ultimate test. Imagine you are in maze of tunnels with no
light, absolute dark and you are looking for the light at the end of any of the
tunnels. You know not, which way to go but with iron-will you keep going till
the shade of black turns to grey and you realise you are there. The poet
describes the moment nicely:
“I
learnt even in the blackest hour,
That there is within me a hidden power,
To navigate the darkest maze,
And Walk into the Sun’s bright blaze”
It is obvious for everyone to show their best to others and hide behind facade
of fake appearance. Scars and wounds are covered so deep and to such an extent
that the fake appearance starts appearing real. It is captured in amazingly
simple words:
…..
“They live beneath, where no one sees,
Amongst the roots of ancient trees”
Remembering the sordid past is like revisiting it, reliving the pain and
suffering. Despite knowing it we tend to hold on to the sore wound too long,
taking it deeper and making it more painful. Being uncertain about the future.
In the bargain we stay put and don’t move, contradicting the principal
characteristics of life, the mobility, to keep moving. Stagnant is over and
dead. We feel guilty in letting go. Let go is not forgetting but not
remembering, recalling, not reliving. Having faith in future, to move on. The
poet puts it so nicely :
“The power lies in open hands,
In trusting life’s unfolding plans,
A strength that rises, pure and true,
In letting go, I found my new.”
The scars are red and not yet pale. Tears have barely dried and fears are still
scratching the mind. Ankles can still feel the chill of bare metal. Shackles of
doubt are twisting the mind. Shadows of past are looming dark. It takes time
for the success to sink in, an effort to convince without conviction. It takes
time to relearn to breathe a fresh. Time is the solution. In Reia’s words:
“Unshackled
with time, from the fears that bound,
I move with ease, I’m safe, I’m sound!”
….
However
tattered or battered you are, phoenix must rise through the rubble of war. The
flight through adversity, finding the strength from within. The process once
started has to conclude logically and emotionally as well. From dark to light.
In her words, again worded beautifully:
….
“With wings of resilience, I take flight,
Through clouds of sorrow, into light!”
All along, what we have talked about is an internal battle, struggle internal
to an individual, there may or may not be any overt signs, as all is happening
in the mind. The process of healing, recovery is painfully slow and brings
about subtle changes from within. Though very subtle they are profound.
Resultant changes are apparent by way of ease with which one was facing the
present, which was missing earlier, erstwhile challenges are no more
challenging. The silence engulfing earlier was less of calm and more of storm.
Post the subtle, profound changes the calm, peace rises from within and the
individual can feel the radiance, glow in every part of his being. In her words:
“And
though the world may never see,
These quite shifts inside of me,
I feel the weight I use to hold,
Grow lighter, as I become bold”
In majority of cases individuals try to get out of the storm, cyclone and get
mercilessly turned and twisted by the storm. In my view author has travelled exactly
in reverse direction, towards the eye of the cyclone. As the phrase goes
"it is quite in the eye of the storm" she literally experienced it.
She reached the “eye”, the soul, the spirit, which is always free and can never
be tied, bound. The bondage is physical, in this context even the mind is
physical, but the realisation of the same is very difficult. The turbulence is
in peripheral, external layers of the mind. The poet seems to have gone deep
inside pealing layers after layers of her mind till she reached her true self, the
inner wisdom, the ever-free self, the bundle of throbbing happiness, rest is
easy.
As rightly said by the poet, this collection is truly a testament to the
resilience of the human spirit, where pain is not merely endured, but
transformed into deeper self-understanding or enlightenment. It is a story of
personal evolution, helping to become a more whole or integrated person in the
end.
I will stop here and leave it to the readers to explore for themselves.
The book “The Alchemy of Pain” by Reai N. is available on Amazon / the E-book
publishing store as Paper back as well as e-Book.
Link is as
under
Amazon at:
https://www.amazon.in/dp/9363302156/ref=sr11?crid=LQ235IKCLXL2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.kBfK-CKUelZoaCS9mxosA.5IsZ0WyCr1YA4tbstBywdqNlDERzfp78EShZYmZH9JQ&dibtag=se&keywords=9789363302150&qid=1729047754&sprefix=9789363301146%2Caps%2C484&sr=8-1
E book
version at:
https://ebooks.bookleafpub.com/product-page/the-alchemy-of-pain-an-anthology-of-wounds-to-wisdom